Trying to get over the guilt

I went to school. A lot. I have two advanced degrees. Both from private schools. The initial problem with those degrees is that I wanted to use them in the public sector – prosecution and then law enforcement. Why was that a problem? Well, as soon as I decided to do it, the economy tanked and money just wasn’t going to either of those anymore. There weren’t many positions with the government and the ones that did exist were being given to people already in the federal system or veterans (I’m okay with both of those).

I did get a job doing something else, but then my health took a dive and my back went out and my leg was all jacked up. Now, even if they were hiring, I wouldn’t be able to take a job. I still can’t sit for too long, stand for too long, or walk for too long.

Last year I got on income-based repayment for my federal student loans. This resulted in a dramatic drop in the amount I owe each month. I’m working on the annual certification for the loans now and it looks like, for my federal student loans only, my payment may drop to $0/month. Yes, you read that correctly. Nothing owed per month.

As much as I hate paying on those stupid loans, I feel worse that I may not be paying anything. I bored the money and I know I owe it. (Though I do totally understand those people who are suing their law schools – the job market is shit and people couldn’t really get placed. I also think that they interest rate they charge for student loans is bullshit. Let’s stop helping corporations and start helping people. The economy would really benefit if people like me could actually buy a damn house and not make the equivalent of a mortgage payment in student loans.)

But I was talking to one of the customer service reps and I mentioned how bad I felt that I wouldn’t be paying much or anything. Her response? “Don’t feel bad.” Apparently she agrees that it’s all a racket.

Maybe one day soon I’ll feel amazing and be able to work like a healthy person again. In the meantime, I’m glad for this little break. Maybe now my stress level will drop some.