I feel like I’m trapped in molasses right now. I think I want to do things, but actually getting up and doing them is challenging. I did make cookies today, which surprised me, since I haven’t been able to get up the will to do it the last couple of days. This may have happened because I was hungry, and haven’t gone grocery shopping since I got back.
I’m really struggling with the WILL to do things as well. So I guess it’s sort of like a two-phase problem. There are some things I don’t have the will to do, and others that I want to do, but feel stuck.
I’m also not really able to sort of stick to goals I’ve tried to set. Like blogging. I try to do it three times/week. Clearly that hasn’t happened recently. I get busy and this gets dropped by the wayside. Knowing that I want to do it, I should plan for it, but I don’t. On Monday I had a meeting that I needed to be somewhere from 8am-1pm. Then I wanted to go to the doctor, but got sidetracked by something else, and didn’t get back from the doctor until after 7:30pm. By then I was pretty spent for the day.
I guess the real problem is that I don’t treat the things I want to do seriously. Part of the problem with working from home is that the day doesn’t have the structure that working from an office does. Things sort of just slide around. When I worked from an office, I knew that I had X amount of hours when I got home to get things done. I felt some pressure, and that encouraged me to do what I wanted.
Now, the days just sort of slip by. Before I know it, I’m as tired as I get, and I crash. It doesn’t help that I’m tired throughout the day as well. I suppose constant fatigue can get in the way of goals at times.
I am working on getting the fatigue issue sorted out. I saw an ENT the other day and learned that my nose is blocked – so I’m not getting the right amount of air in. We’re trying a nasal spray for two weeks and will see where I’m at, maybe do a sleep study. At this point I would love to have some energy during the day to get things done and feel like myself again. I hate feeling wiped out all the time. It’s gotten old.
Perhaps I should cut myself a little slack.