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My new word for 2017: Me

My word for the year was “determined.” Really, it was, “I am a determined unicorn.” A good friend of mine says that we shouldn’t pick words in an attempt to outsmart the Universe, but I feel like my choice of determined is sort of kicking my ass. It seems like what I did was invite challenging situations to show just how determined I am. Like my regular life wasn’t enough for that. Ahem.

When I picked “determined” I was thinking about my commitment to my growing direct sales empire and making sure that I’m doing the most I can to succeed. I have been making strides toward that though the first 4 or so months not so much. I got caught up in being overwhelmed and having situations sort of fall apart that made it harder to do. I didn’t have focus. Some of that was because I had no idea how to keep all the ideas that were flying around in my head coordinated. Y’all, I don’t know what the hell happens up there, but it’s like a party with a loud DJ and no chaperone to tell it to stop.

I also wasn’t on the right meds at the beginning of the year. My emotional state was a bit of a mess, though I felt a bit better physically. Now I’m on the right meds, but my body is sort of taking a crap on me. To really have things move along sort of smoothly, even a little smoothly, is that my body and mind need to work in conjunction a bit better. They both need to be sort of okay. I still have some anxiety issues and dips into the dark places in my mind, but it’s happened less often. My body though? Ugh. I seem to be out of a fibro flare that lasted a good long while, so that’s positive. I just wish my lady garden would get with the program.

That all brings me to the point that I still need to be focusing on ME. I need to focus on getting my body together. I need to be more functional. Less tired. More able to wake up and get going. I need to take advantage of the fact that my mental health is more stable so I can be creative. Creativity is how I know that I’m okay. If I’m not creating, something is wrong. I read a lot more when things aren’t great. It doesn’t require any effort on my part.

I have found ways to keep the craziness in my head somewhat controlled. I am working on systems to make sure I complete things I want to complete and still get to create. I need to get a bit better about it though to fully explore everything I’m interested in. But, I really need my body to get more with me before I can do that. I hope that happens somewhat soon!

Anyway, thanks for continuing to read along! I do hope to add some more sound to this at some point so you can hear me rather than just read me. Maybe even a video from time to time! And as always, I appreciate the kind and positive vibes you send me. I do think they make a difference!

2015 Recap

Another year, another recap. This time before the ball drops!

1. What did you do in 2015 that you’d never done before?

I went to The Netherlands. It was a blast! I’d never been anywhere that public transit works so well and is so ingrained in the culture. The number of people on bikes and the fact that bikes had their own traffic signals was amazing.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

 

LOL, apparently I didn’t make any resolutions last year and that trend will stay strong for next year. I failed at the 2015 Reading Challenge. I just didn’t get the books in the categories, though I read over 100 books. I found I just wanted to read what I wanted to read, not according to some list.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No, but I found out someone in the family is pregnant. That’s super cool.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

My godmother’s husband died from a heart attack.

5. What countries did you visit?

Brazil and The Netherlands!

6. What would you like to have in 2016 that you lacked in 2015?

More energy. Less pain. I have no idea how those will happen, but I would like to get it figured out. I plan on going to Ireland in July. I’d like to be able to walk around more easily. Or, fine, really medicated.

7. What dates from 2015 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

 

June 11 – Foot surgery. The surgery itself was fine. The recovery not so much.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Like last year I don’t really think I had one. I think making it through the year without losing it completely may count as an achievement. So much did not go as anticipated.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Maintaining expectations about…anything. I was consistently disappointed and it was my own fault.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

This question is just sort of comical. I haven’t had a pain-free day since January 28, 2014. I am perpetually sick. I have pain every day. The better question for me may be when I didn’t suffer illness or injury.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I love my iPhone 6. But I think all the cross-stitch stuff is pretty cool. It’s keeping me occupied and giving me a creative outlet.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Mr. Lyndsy still ranks in here. Being married to me cannot be easy with how often I’m sick and in pain. I think some of my friends have also done a great job being supportive of me while I’m trying to figure out how to live like this.

Some of my friends have also gone through a lot of shit this year and are still standing. That definitely deserves to be celebrated.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Keeping this from last year, “Also, what the hell is wrong with people? All over the internet I saw people who just have no respect or regard for their fellow human beings.”

14. Where did most of your money go?

Fucking student loans. Again.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Going to Brazil and meeting Mr. Lyndsy’s family, finally having foot surgery, and going to The Netherlands.

16. What song will always remind you of 2015?

Cookie Jar by Gym Class Heroes. That shit is hilarious.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:

  • happier or sadder? Sadder
  • thinner or fatter?  I feel fatter. Fuck it.
  • richer or poorer? Richer in life, poorer in money.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Listening to my body. Also, I wish I’d saved money better.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

I wish I’d spent less money. I wish I’d gone to doctors more to get things sorted out. Not that that seems to work that well for me, but at least I’d feel like I tried.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Seeing Star Wars: The Force Awakens.

21. Did you fall in love in 2015?

Yes, with our crazy and ridiculous dog.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Criminal Minds, probably. Did binge watch How to Get Away with Murder. That shit is messed up.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Not anyone specific.

24. What was the best book you read?

Me Before You. Holy shit. I cried so much, but it was such a beautiful book. I’m excited to read the sequel.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Taylor Swift.

26. What did you want and get?

The stupid iPhone 6. I also got my mom and godmother on iPhones so now messaging and communicating with them is easier.

27. What did you want and not get?

A pink iPhone 6s. I don’t really need it, but it’s so pretty.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Inside Out, probably. I love Disney/Pixar movies. It made me cry. Damn them.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

Dinner with friends at a Brazilian restaurant. So much meat. I’m the decrepit age of 34!

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Having someone magically pay my loans off.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2014?

Quoting 2014: Lazy and comfortable because that’s how I roll. Most days now I don’t get out of my pajamas. Working from home has its benefits.

32. What kept you sane?

Cross-stitch, internet communications with friends, a couple trips to the US for things I miss, and Mr. Lyndsy.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

STILL Benedict Cumberbatch. That man. Hot damn.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Still the killings of unarmed black men by cops, continued idiocy over vaccinations.

35. Who did you miss?

My friends. All of them.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

This cat-loving crazy woman. Sadly, she wasn’t here long. Now I have to find a NEW cat-loving crazy woman.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2015.

Let go of expectation. Things will be what they’ll be. Just ride the tide.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

“What do I have to do??”