1

A Food Challenge

Mr. Lyndsy left yesterday. After 40 fun days in the US he’s back in the sandbox. And I’m here. Without him.

However, he made our separation interesting. He told me that while we’re apart, I should work on eating better. I’ve got the working out thing down, but the next part is to change my food habits. This means eating fresher foods, avoiding processed foods, things high in sugar, and not too many carbs (especially the simple ones).

I know he’s right about this. That doesn’t mean I want to do it. Because you know, M&Ms, cupcakes, soda.

However, to not focus on us being apart and how much I absolutely LOATHE it, I decided it would be fun to see his reaction after I’d been at the gym for a month without him seeing me every day. It’s hard to see changes when you’re around someone every day, but a month? That can be quite a long time when you’re putting in the work like every day.

Eating better just ups the chances that the changes will be that much more dramatic. Which makes it exciting. Of course, I am NOT a patient person so when I hop on the scale tomorrow I’m going to pissed that I haven’t lost 10 pounds after just one day of healthy eating.

Yes, I know that’s irrational. But you should know that about me. I still believe unicorns.

Anyway, here’s to healthy eating for like 32 days. I’m looking at it sort of one day at a time. Because right now I’m hungry and all I can think about is candy.

FEED ME THE CANDIES.

I mean, I’m thinking about pineapple. Yeah, pineapple.

*I picked this picture because it made no sense. A pineapple just sunbathing on someone’s lawn??*

 

I’m not fat. I HAVE fat

I have toes. I’m NOT toes.

I saw that posted on a meme today and I thought it made a great deal of sense. I mean, even if we considered obesity a disease, it’s not really something we should be saying “am” with. We don’t say, “I am lupus.” I say, “I have lupus.”

This is just another example of how we treat weight as something different than everything else. It’s just another way that we fat shame people. We associate the weight/fat/whatever with who someone IS rather than something they have.

It’s not really that different than disabilities. Society doesn’t regard people with disabilities as people either. It’s “I am disabled,” instead of “I have disabilities” or “I am differently abled.”

I guess the whole point of this is that language matters. Words matter. Generally we aren’t very careful with the way we talk and it marginalizes and belittles people. People brush it off, but it’s usually people who belong to the majority or what they consider the “norm.” It doesn’t matter to them how things are said, because they’re not the ones who are being shit on.

Everyone should spend time flipping things around, seeing how we feel when we’re on the receiving end. Or, when we’re ready to use choice words, imagine how we’d feel if someone else were hurling the nasty intent at us.

But I guess that’s another point altogether. People don’t seem to ever spend time putting themselves in anyone else’s shoes. We rarely stop to consider how our actions hurt someone else. Even when they’re at the end of a chain of actions.  We push our little black clouds onto someone else in an attempt to make ourselves feel better. The black cloud doesn’t stop raining just because it’s not hovering over us anymore. How is that fair to anyone else? I guess we don’t care as long as we feel better.

I suppose that also explains how it is that the United States managed to elect an arrogant, uninformed, self-absorbed asshole to the presidency.

2

Body Positivity

Reality: I am not a thin girl. I’m lucky that I’m tall, because I hide the extra weight pretty well. Still, if I want a pair of comfortable pants, they’re going to be a size 18. After my spinal fusion I got down to a 14 and felt okay with that. I also thought I could maintain it so I did a bunch of clothes shopping. I didn’t maintain it. Now I have loads of clothes that don’t really fit.

I’m having a hard time caring.

I feel like I should feel bad about the fact that I’m overweight. Isn’t that what I read all the time? LOSE THE POUNDS! FIND THE SKINNIER YOU!

What if I don’t want to find the skinnier me? What if the happy me won’t be skinny because the happy me likes cupcakes? I do know that it’s possible to be skinny and eat cupcakes. But I want them more than once a year on my birthday.

My body is what it is. Right now I can’t do much. I do miss working out. I like going to the gym and lifting weights. I get a sense of accomplishment doing that. I enjoy walking. It’s a good time for me to put on some music and let my mind wander. (But not too far or I fall off the treadmill.)

Back in 2009 I joined Weight Watchers for the first time. I’d gone to Ireland and some of the activities made me a bit concerned about my size. I realized then that I didn’t want my weight/size to stop me from being able to do the things I wanted to do. Unfortunately, I got a bit carried away with it and it became more about the weight and less about what my body meant to the rest of my life.

When I was at my heaviest weight I was playing flag football, and pretty well. I have never been a runner – I think my lungs just don’t like it, so I didn’t run a ton when I played. But I could move when I needed to without feeling like I was going to die. I did a lot of hiking. My body cursed me some but that had a lot to do with the fact that I wasn’t used to that kind of activity. Once I did it more often, it got easier.

When we talk about our bodies and what they should look like, one size does not fit all. What our body needs to look like is a pretty personal thing dependent on what we want out of our lives. If our bodies are what they need to be to accomplish what we want to accomplish, then we’re doing fine. If not, we usually know what we need to do to get them there.

 

My goals are to have kids, travel without being concerned that my size will keep me from seeing everything I want to see and doing everything I want to do, and to live a long life with Mr. Lyndsy. I probably need to make some diet adjustments for this as having kids will require my blood glucose to be under 100 almost all of the time and Type 2 Diabetes increases the risk of heart failure which could impact the length of my life. Those diet changes could result in weight loss… or they may not. Either way, I’m okay.

But, first things first. I need to get walking again.