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It’s not really now or never

I feel a lot like it’s NOW or NEVER. Having read a bunch about ADHD in the past few days, this seems like it could be related to that. According to the books, people with ADHD have issues with time – basically only living in the present, with trouble making future plans.

I feel like a failure or like I’ve messed up my life so often because things aren’t happening for me RIGHT NOW. The reality is that I’m only 35 (soon to be 36), and that I still have plenty of time. There are people who didn’t start their amazing careers until 50 or later (I think Morgan Freeman didn’t get his first big movie role until then).

If I were to sit down, come up with some goals, and make a plan to achieve them, listing short-term goals out over a period of months up to a year, I might actually be able to accomplish something. The catch for me here is that I’ve always believed that if you can’t just DO something, without having to plot it out, you weren’t meant to do it.

In the real world that makes ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE. I can’t think of any greats who didn’t have to WORK at it. PRACTICE it. EDIT it.

I need to work on retraining my brain with these thoughts. Starting to study and understand ADHD is a path to that. I’ve been researching ADHD hacks too to make my life easier. Between understanding it and implementing the coping skills I am really hoping to start do amazing things with my life. I feel that the potential’s in there. It’s a question of how to get it out in a way that I’ll actually stay with it and finish it (or keep it going forever, if that’s the thing).

Now at least I feel like I’m moving in the right direction. I just need to continually remind myself that great things take time.

Out and About

Today was an exciting day for me post-surgery. Work laptop for new job didn’t get delivered as expected so I opted to go out and find it myself. This required a drive to grab the friend to whom the laptop was sent, a trip to FedEx, and then as a bonus, dinner out. Friends had dropped off a wheelchair for me to borrow, so we figured it was easier to use that than to go out with the walker or crutches. Also, a good test run for the trip to the doctor tomorrow.

Getting around with a wheelchair here is a bit difficult and I couldn’t do it on my own. Trying to get the chair into the trunk and get me into the car is hard. Navigating in a place that doesn’t have sidewalks or ramps everywhere is a hot mess. The trip to the bathroom at the restaurant was a pain as it was tight turns and spaces everywhere. Not something I’d ever think of just walking around.

Being out and about was good – I liked getting out. However, my leg is pretty much completely protesting now. It’s buzzing and there are occasionally stabs of pain. I’m back in bed with my leg up, hoping to ease some of the discomfort. Pills are soon to follow.

After tomorrow’s trip to the doctor, I don’t think I’ll be out and about for a while…