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My new word for 2017: Me

My word for the year was “determined.” Really, it was, “I am a determined unicorn.” A good friend of mine says that we shouldn’t pick words in an attempt to outsmart the Universe, but I feel like my choice of determined is sort of kicking my ass. It seems like what I did was invite challenging situations to show just how determined I am. Like my regular life wasn’t enough for that. Ahem.

When I picked “determined” I was thinking about my commitment to my growing direct sales empire and making sure that I’m doing the most I can to succeed. I have been making strides toward that though the first 4 or so months not so much. I got caught up in being overwhelmed and having situations sort of fall apart that made it harder to do. I didn’t have focus. Some of that was because I had no idea how to keep all the ideas that were flying around in my head coordinated. Y’all, I don’t know what the hell happens up there, but it’s like a party with a loud DJ and no chaperone to tell it to stop.

I also wasn’t on the right meds at the beginning of the year. My emotional state was a bit of a mess, though I felt a bit better physically. Now I’m on the right meds, but my body is sort of taking a crap on me. To really have things move along sort of smoothly, even a little smoothly, is that my body and mind need to work in conjunction a bit better. They both need to be sort of okay. I still have some anxiety issues and dips into the dark places in my mind, but it’s happened less often. My body though? Ugh. I seem to be out of a fibro flare that lasted a good long while, so that’s positive. I just wish my lady garden would get with the program.

That all brings me to the point that I still need to be focusing on ME. I need to focus on getting my body together. I need to be more functional. Less tired. More able to wake up and get going. I need to take advantage of the fact that my mental health is more stable so I can be creative. Creativity is how I know that I’m okay. If I’m not creating, something is wrong. I read a lot more when things aren’t great. It doesn’t require any effort on my part.

I have found ways to keep the craziness in my head somewhat controlled. I am working on systems to make sure I complete things I want to complete and still get to create. I need to get a bit better about it though to fully explore everything I’m interested in. But, I really need my body to get more with me before I can do that. I hope that happens somewhat soon!

Anyway, thanks for continuing to read along! I do hope to add some more sound to this at some point so you can hear me rather than just read me. Maybe even a video from time to time! And as always, I appreciate the kind and positive vibes you send me. I do think they make a difference!

The real harm of fat shaming

I’m fat. I’ve been fat for years. I’ve had occasional dips back into non-fat land, but I’ve always bounced back up.

Every day, all day, we get hit with messages about what being fat means. How we’re just not trying hard enough. If only we would… whatever. Thin people throwing out judgments about how easy it was for them to get in shape, even though they have 75 kids, and work a regular 9 to 5 job, and save walruses from shark attacks in their free time.

I’m thrilled for people who find ways to make it work. Super happy for them. But I’m not them. My body is mine. I have different circumstances. My body is doing different things, in a different environment, and responds to things differently. Except in one regard.

All bodies respond to energy. We’re all just energy. People forget this, but they shouldn’t. Because it matters.

When someone judges my body because I’m not doing what they think I should be to get into better shape, my body feels that negative energy. Judgment is NEGATIVE energy. And even if we think we’re directing that judgment at only one person, we aren’t. The energy is out there, affecting everyone.

I think of it like throwing glitter at someone. Glitter, the herpes of the art world. It has a mind of its own. You aim at one person, but that shit is everywhere before you know what happened. A random passerby is going to find glitter in their hair later. You try to clean it up, but there is ALWAYS some left behind. You can’t control it. Once you release it, it’s gone.

Judgment works the same way.

Our bodies’ default status is to get better, to find its optimum point. Being bombarded by negative energy affects that process. The body has to address the negative energy before it can go back to doing its job. Can you imagine how annoying that would be? You’re sitting at your desk job, trying to write a memo. Your door opens, and your boss screams at you. You have to deal with him before you can get back to your memo. You have to emotionally process being screamed at. Then your phone rings. It’s your spouse, calling to yell at you because you forgot to pay a bill. You have to calm them down and get online to pay the bill. Then you can get back to work. Then, your assistant pops in to tell you that you forgot to respond to an important email and that you’re now in deep shit. You scramble to find the email and reply. By the end of the day, your memo still isn’t written. You’re upset and frustrated. And that makes sense.

If, instead of yelling at you all day, people in your life had been kind and given you time to do your job, if your spouse had just taken care of the bill or waited until an appropriate time, your boss had calmed down and addressed you professionally, you would have felt better at the end of the day and your memo would have been done.

In real life, this means that what we need to be doing, instead of focusing on how to change our bodies to fit some “norm” that has nothing to do with normal, we need to focus on loving our bodies. We need to send loving energy to everyone we meet, specifically to their bodies so that the bodies get the extra energy to help combat the nasty that’s been thrown at them as well as do the job the body needs to do.

Energy is serious business. We can’t play around with it. The energy we send out affects others, but it also affects us. It impairs our own body’s ability to find its happy place. Do you really want to walk around with a body that’s actively working against itself? Then think about the energy you’re sending out in the world.

If you’re fit and want to help, be loving to others, regardless of their size. Appreciate how much everyone’s body is doing at any given time. When someone wants your help, they’ll find you because your energy will resonate with theirs. Their results will also be a lot more amazing when the relationship is based on loving energy.

Making a List

I just read an article online about increasing dopamine levels (in turn making you feel better). It included things like avoiding addiction, sleeping well, exercise, and taking supplements. The article said that making lists and checking things off helps increase dopamine because of the sense of accomplishment you get when you complete a task. Before anyone gets their panties in a twist, I  know it was an internet article about science. It’s accuracy may not be real high. However,  I do think there was something to what I read, particularly the part about making lists and checking stuff off when you get it done.

I’ve been making lists recently because I swear I can’t remember shit if I don’t. It’s a horrible thing, not to have my memory be what it used to be. It’s like this fog descends over my brain and I lose all ability to remember stuff.

I recommended it to a coaching client who normally feels anxiety about making lists. Instead of feeling the joy of seeing things checked of, she could only focus on the things that were left undone. I suggested that if she saw the same things left undone over and over, that perhaps they weren’t that important to her to do. I think that changed her perspective only it a little bit.

I think there is a lot to be said about feeling a sense of accomplishment for even routine things. Routine things take up loads of time. As we’re crawling into bed at night completely exhausted, we wonder where our day has gone. It’s things like laundry, grocery shopping, and paying the bills that eat up our time.

For someone like me, with chronic health issues, all of those activities is a real energy drain. I had so much pain in my back earlier today that I thought I might have to go to the doctor. It’s subsided now, but I had to lay down for a while to get it under control. I read a book while I was resting, but that doesn’t mean that the time was a waste, by any stretch. Since I couldn’t do anything else I needed to do, like finish unpacking or more laundry, I used the time to do something else that’s important to me. I feel a *little* better about the time spent laying on my back.

I think tracking everything I do during the day and then crossing it off will make me feel better about my illness. Some days it’s hard to et out of bed at all, let alone do all the stuff I need to do around the house and for work. I’m hoping that if I can see everything I’ve done (without focusing on what remained undone), I’ll not feel like a lazy bum. Also, if I make a list of what needs to be done the following day, before I got to sleep at night, I may be able to remember all of it a little but better!

What about you? Are you a list maker? Does it help?