I’m about a week out from being married for a year. Given that my longest relationship prior to Mr. Lyndsy was 6 months, I’m a little impressed with myself. Of course, Mr. Lyndsy has made this ridiculously easy for me. But that’s almost always been how things went between us. The one hiccup we had was mostly on my end, and I got over it quickly.
I hear stories from friends now about their dating adventures and I’m just horrified. Before I met Mr. Lyndsy I’d gone through a pretty dry dating period. I had a few first dates but no second dates for a long time so I didn’t need to worry about all the games that get played during the dating game.
I had a friend tell me recently that you can’t respond too quickly to a guy or he’ll lose interest because she’s too eager. Huh? Isn’t the point to express interest?
Another friend had a guy tell her she was too closed off and then he just disappeared for like a week. He popped back up like nothing weird had gone on. He almost couldn’t understand what her problem was. She stood her ground and made him realize his behavior was inappropriate.
Someone else told me that her girlfriend is making up shit to get attention, but has trouble admitting that she wants the attention.
It may have been the crazy distance between me and Mr. Lyndsy or it may just have been the type of people we are, but Mr. Lyndsy and I just let it all go. We were honest with each other about who we are, that we were unwilling to compromise on what we really want in life, and most importantly, we were honest about how we felt about each other. When we started talking about him coming to visit, I told him it would be nice to show my friends an actual human being and not just having to say, “I met this guy who likes me.” He corrected me and said, “A guy who really really likes you.” There was never ANY pretense.
People don’t like being vulnerable. We like feeling like we have the upper hand. We hold back and keep parts of ourselves hidden. What we don’t realize is that doing so won’t stop the pain. People get sick of that type of withholding behavior and they leave. Guessing how someone feels gets old. Trying to make someone happy when the person has no idea what will make them happy is exhausting.
The only real way to live is just to let go and give everything to someone else. Otherwise we’re headed for pain. If we hold back, then our partner never really knows us. That alone is a loss. BUT, if it goes further and we slip up and start letting ourselves leak in, our partner is likely to wonder what the fuck just happened and that will damage the relationship.
Also, if we’re holding back and believing that’s normal, why would our partner/interest do anything different? Somehow when it’s someone else doing it, it’s not okay.
To get love you have to give love. If we want someone to accept us and love us for who we are, we have to be willing to do the same. Sometimes that means that we have to make the first step. If someone responds like an asshole then let them go. They have thus proved themselves undeserving.
Yes, the risk can be great. But with great risk comes great reward. Isn’t finding the love of your life worth that?