Possessor of the Penis, Please Read

Hello, Possessor of the Penis!*

I do hope you’re well as you read this. It’s just me, Lyndsy, wanting to have a chat with you. I do hope you’ll read this all the way through, even though it was written by a Possessor of the Vagina.

I want to start by saying that I’m not angry. Or emotional. Or on my period. I’m putting that out there because your first inclination once you read this will likely be to comment that I must be one of those three things. Those are the usual go-tos when women express thoughts about how men interact with us.

With that out of the way, I want to share a few things with you.

  1. Emotions are normal parts of being alive. Telling a woman to calm down is telling her not to be alive. That you have trouble expressing yours is your problem, not ours. Some days, things are shit. That makes people sad sometimes. Other times it makes them angry. Just because you personally don’t understand why someone may be feeling a certain way doesn’t mean what they are experiencing is invalid. My husband spent a lot of time screaming at the screen during the World Cup, I didn’t tell him to calm down even though it’s an event that gets repeated every four years. I let him get all excited about cars and video games too. Those are his things. Let the women in your life do their thing.
  2. Contrary to popular belief, women do not sit around plotting how to accuse men of sexual assault or domestic violence simply for shits and giggles. I have never once thought about it and I have actually been the victim of both in the past. Has it happened? Yes. But, just because it has happened in the past does not mean that your favorite athlete the victim of a devious scheme. Rather than jumping to the defense of your favorite steroid-taking ego maniac, think about what the woman might have to gain. In reality, it’s not much. More thean likely, she is already feeling shame and like it was her fault. People are going to scrutinize her personal life in ways no one’s life should ever be scrutinized. Do you want national media asking you about the number of women you’ve slept with throughout the course of your life? Or about those nights you can’t remember? Didn’t think so.
  3. For all the self-proclaimed “nice guys” out there – if you’re single, there could very well be a reason for that and it likely has nothing to do with the fact that “women just like the bad boy.” Really, we don’t. However, crushing on your best friend’s girlfriend doesn’t make you a “nice guy.” It makes you an asshole who has no respect for your friend and his relationship. Being friends with a woman, cozying up to her with the hope or expectation that she will one day want to have sex with you does not make you a nice guy. It makes you a creep. Invest in a woman because you find her interesting, intelligent, fun, etc. NOT because you want to slip your meat into her love mitten.
  4. Leadership is best done when you mix traits stereotypical of men AND women. Aggression and inflexibility promote anger and distrust among a team. Your employees may perform out of fear, but they’ll perform a lot better when understanding comes into play. When discussions are had instead of lectures.
  5. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If you want to go out three nights a week to hang with your bros, then your significant other gets to do the same. If you don’t want to do laundry or mop floors, don’t expect that she does either. Households are shared responsibilities. You don’t get to slack off and expect her to do all the work. If you’ve talked about it and agreed to it, that’s fine. But if you want her to be happy, encourage her to have and pursue her own interests. I am sure you’ll find that the happier she is, the happier you are.
  6. Male privilege is a real thing. Women do seriously make less than men do, for doing the same jobs. And it’s not that women are less capable than men. What seems to be forgotten is that we need men and women doing all jobs so they get done as well as they possibly can. More perspective is better. Different ways of looking at problems. Finding things that the other can’t see because it’s outside their realm of experience.

But the real thing to think about is how much less enriched your lives would be without the women you love. Seriously, stop and think about what your life would be like if women stopped being part of it. Women are finally realizing that we should have each other’s backs and not put up with the bullshit that men have been spewing for years. If you don’t shape up, you’re going to find yourself without the women you love so much. Don’t let it happen to you.

*And yes, I realize that not all men act like jackasses. But, even if you don’t, chances are good you know someone who does. Instead of letting it slide next time, put the dipshit back in line.