Is winter over yet?

The short answer: No.

I’ve been in hibernation virtually and in real life for a while now. Got off Facebook for the most part, stalking Instagram but not posting much, skipping out on local events. The thing is, I’m tired. #spoonielife is hard. A lot of my time recently has been taken up by doctor visits. Since early March, I’ve seen a rheumatologist, gastroenterologist, nephrologist, endocrinologist, psychiatrist, and orthopedic surgeon. I’ve had vials of blood drawn for 40 different labs, 2 24-hour urine collection samples, a regular urine sample, and a fucking stool sample. I am determined to figure out what the hell is wrong with me – my stomach, why I’m so fatigued, the pain in my back and foot.

There’s been some progress and some stagnation.

Progress
The rheumatologist diagnosed me with fibromyalgia. I’d suspected that for a while, but knowing that I’m not fucking crazy for thinking it is particularly delightful. Unfortunately, he wouldn’t give me any meds for it due to some kidney issues.

That turned out not to matter because I went to see a shrink to deal with the continued despairing thoughts I was happening. Those led to anxiety. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. I just wanted to cry all the time. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. The depression was killing me. The shrink is nice and is definitely invested in helping me feel better. She put me on Cymbalta, which will deal with the mood stuff, but is also used to help he chronic widespread body pain associated with fibromyalgia. There aren’t words that would accurately convey how happy I am that the fucking pain is mostly gone. It was making me insane. She also gave me something to help me sleep better.

I found a new endocrinologist because the last one was a raging fuckhead. The new one listens to me. He was willing to put me on thyroid medication to see if it would help with the fatigue (since I’m doing everything else I can to try to treat it). He didn’t think it would, but I feel differently. At least he was willing to try. He’s got me on a new diabetes medication which he said might help with weight loss. I’ve been doing some on my own anyway since my diet has changed, but I’ll take the help I can get.

My stomach issues have pretty much been resolved! I’m no longer running through stores and malls, praying I don’t shit my pants! The pain in my upper right quadrant is gone! The price I’m paying for it though is a restricted diet. I suppose I can start adding things back in to see what’s bothering me, but it’s almost not worth it. I don’t really miss the foods I’m no longer eating (apples, pears, soda, legumes, gluten). Sometimes I indulge, but it’s usually a pretty minimal indulgence. I bought a candy bar since I was feeling deprived, and I just didn’t enjoy it. I’ve definitely hit the point that if it’s going to make me feel like shit, I don’t bother. (Damn you, ice cream!)

Stagnation
My back still hurts. I had a spine doc look at my back MRI but he didn’t see anything in it that would be the reason for my pain. That frustrated the hell out of me, but he said that he thinks it could be the sacroiliac joint. Great. Something new. He referred me for physical therapy, but it takes a while to get in, so I’m going to wait until Mr. Lyndsy and I are back from our summer away. Hopefully that works. If it does, he said we could talk about steroid shots or a possible fusion. After my experience with the lumbar fusion, I’m not keen on fusing anything else, but we’ll see.

I have had continued foot pain as well. That’s frustration since I am traveling with my mother to London and Paris in June and I know we’ll be walking a lot. My foot despises walking, which blows since that’s pretty much its reason for existing in my life. I had an MRI done of my foot. It was ridiculous uncomfortable since I can’t really point my foot and my knee was rammed into the top of the machine. It also didn’t tell us much except that I have inflammation at the base of my second toe. Great. Fucking great. The ortho thinks that it’s probably referred pain from my back (which other doctors have ruled out after looking at my back MRI), but he’s going to do a steroid/pain relief injection at the base of the second toe once it’s been approved by the insurance. I hope to God that fucking helps because otherwise I will cry.

My Achilles tendon is still giving me problems as well. The shockwave treatments don’t seem to be helping. I think the last one made it worse. I have one more scheduled and unless they think more will make a huge difference, I think I’m going to quit doing them and find a way to just live with that pain.

All of this is to say that I’m not dead. I’m just trying to take some time to take care of myself, s my hibernation will continue a little while longer. I’ll be leaving my job at the end of this month so that my health is all I’m focusing on. I’m going to use our 2-month trip to the US this summer to relax, get in a good head space, and try to help my body as much as I can. When I get back I’ll figure out what to do about making money to pay my stupid fucking student loans. I hope by then I’m feeling a lot better.