Marriage equality is big news these days as the US courts are finally getting around to doing shit that should have been done years ago. (Except Alabama. Does any country want a new state?) Naturally this means that people who oppose marriage equality are getting more vocal in their opposition (as is their right to do). Enter Heather Barwick.
In this article on The Federalist, Heather tells us that she was raised by two moms after her father left her biological mom. Her biological mom knew she was gay when she got married, but back in the ’70s and ’80s, if you were a gay woman, you married a man anyway, and had some kids. Unsurprisingly, that didn’t work for her mom, and Heather’s father left the scene, never to be heard from again.
Heather claims that for a long time she advocated for marriage equality, but after getting married and seeing her husband with their kids, she knew what she was missing. She also says that she had this unquenchable desire for a father in her life.
My first thought was that the reality is that when you have a parent who leaves, it hurts. I doubt that it actually had anything to do with the fact that her mom was with another woman. I’m guessing that even had Heather’s mom married another man, that hole would still have been there. My parents divorced when I was 10 and my mom married a couple years later. My stepfather and I eventually became great friends, but he still wasn’t my Dad.
Her whole premise seems flawed.
Aside from all of that, my bullshit antennae were buzzing. I was pretty sure that something else changed her thought processes. My money was on her “finding Jesus.” Not satisfied to speculate, I decided to do some
internet stalking research.
My suspicions proved correct. After Heather met her future husband, she began attending church and it was only once she started attending church that her “father wound” healed.
There aren’t a lot of Christian churches that have adopted marriage equality or that even tell gay people they aren’t going to hell. Maybe she’s found a more enlightened church, but I highly doubt it.
So Heather Barwick, I’m calling bullshit. Just because you’ve gotten older doesn’t mean you’ve gotten wiser. It’s time accept the fact that your dad failed in his responsibilities as a parent. He created the hole in your life, not your moms. Heather, before you set out to ruin something beautiful for a whole community of people, you need to get your personal baggage in order. It’s not the gay community’s job to carry it for you.