When to make a change

Sometimes I like to torture myself by thinking about what I’d be doing with myself if I felt well enough to work like a normal person. If I could be doing anything, what would I do?

I do direct sales. I picked what I did because I like the products. However, I think I’m a shitty salesperson. I hate feeling like I’m pressuring anyone into anything.

What I’m thinking about now is whether to give it up. I’m not really making money at it, but that’s probably because I’m not really working them. I’m not looking for new customers for the products. You can only sell to your warm market for so long.

I don’t know if it’s that I don’t know how to do it or because I’m not committed to the sales part of it. For my main company, I love the product. I live in it. But for some reason it’s not translating into sales well.

Do I give it up? I’ll have to hustle to even be able to do that, but should I move on that course? Did I just put myself in a weird position because I’m not around the product all the time? It’s hard when I can’t go to vendor events because I’m just not in the country.

Ugh. Being an adult is such a crock of shit sometimes.

It’s also never a good idea for me to make decisions when I’m not feeling particularly well. I just want to give up EVERYTHING when that happens.

Part of the issue is that I’m focusing on getting my health in line right now. That is, without question, my number one priority. Without my health being as good as possible I’m just kind of miserable. Feeling like that makes doing anything fun really hard. Being tired makes doing things hard.

I guess I shouldn’t make any decisions until I’ve exhausted (see what I did there), every possibility for making myself feel better. It’s like not going grocery shopping when you’re hungry.

Thanks, friends, for listening while I ramble.

Random Thoughts: When Idols Become Human


I finished “The Fault in Our Stars” by John Green yesterday. Since I’m so late to the game on the book I doubt I’ll be spoiling anything for anyone by saying that the main character is disappointed when she meets the author of the book by which she lives her life.

It got me thinking about Mr. Lyndsy telling me he met one of his football (read: soccer) idols and was incredibly disappointed by the encounter.

I have often thought that there were certain people I’d never want to meet, lest they ruin my image of them. It’s usually actors/actresses I find hilarious. I don’t want to find out that they’re just really good actors and not funny at all. Or that they’re phenomenal douchebags.

But, what dawned on me yesterday is that it’s actually a good thing that we see them as imperfect and human. We set them apart and look at what they do as something we can’t achieve. The reality is that we can achieve it. It’s only when we see them as human that we understand that.

So, Benedict Cumberbatch, let me know when you want to hang out, I’ll make it happen.