Hot damn! It’s been FOUR years!
Four years ago, Mr. Lyndsy and I signed the paperwork legally tying us together as a couple. It’s a weird day for us to celebrate, because for us, it was just a formality. December 29, 2013 was the day we knew that we’d be together forever. We didn’t cement it with paperwork earlier for practical reasons, chiefly that we were hoping that I’d find a job in Qatar and they’d treat me like an expat instead of a local (which would give me a housing allowance and maybe a transportation allowance too).
We weren’t even going to have any family with us because it was just paperwork, but they insisted. Hilariously, they were all more dressed up than we were.
My God, we are BORING
What I’ve learned is that we are a boring couple. We’re basically homebodies, addicted to Netflix, Hulu, and Prime Video. We play the LEGO video games together, go to movies, and occasionally go out to dinner. If there’s nothing for us to do together, Mr. Lyndsy hangs out in the living room playing video games and I hang out on the computer in the bedroom.
Thrilling, I know.
Thousands of Miles
Over the past four years, we’ve flown over 100,000 miles to visit our homes in Florida and Brazil. Many of those miles I’ve flown by myself while Mr. Lyndsy worked. We also took a trip to the Netherlands in September 2015, which was a blast. We need to travel more, but given that Mr. Lyndsy doesn’t get much time off during the school year, and because we like to travel to see family when we’re off, we don’t get other places too often. We are planning to spend next summer traveling Europe by train with my mom. We’re hoping to hit all 27 countries on the Eurail pass.
Surgery, Surgery, Surgery
I feel so bad for Mr. Lyndsy. Three months before we got married, I had the spinal fusion that left me with foot drop. In June 2015, I had the tendon transfer to correct the foot drop. In October 2017, I had a hysterectomy to stop bleeding (which had been going on for about six months before the surgery). Then, in November 2017, I had surgery to correct a deviated septum and open up my sinuses. In between the surgeries, I’ve had a number of medical conditions develop and/or get worse: depression, anxiety, ADHD, fibromyalgia, and lupus.
Living with and caring for a spouse with chronic medical conditions is a pain in the ass. However, Mr. Lyndsy takes it all in stride. He knew I had some problems before we got married, but that didn’t bother him. He doesn’t believe that they impede our lives or our relationship. We’re fortunate that he earns enough that I don’t have to be pushed to find a full-time job, which gives me a chance to figure out how I can be the healthiest version of myself. I know many couples where the well spouse doesn’t look at it the same way. I am very lucky.
Still Not Hard
People told me that marriage would get hard once the honeymoon phase wore off. It still isn’t hard though I don’t believe we’re still in the honeymoon phase. For the first time since we’ve been married, I got mad at Mr. Lyndsy. It was probably just the compounded effect of illness and irritation, but I was MAD. Like, spitting mad. Leaving me to deal with trying to get a yellow fever shot (and suffer through the side effects), get the apartment cleaned up and ready for a month-long vacancy, and trying to get myself to the airport was just more than I could handle. Not to mention that I totally forgot about my damn income taxes.
But, one time of being mad in four years is pretty good. After I told him how pissed off I was, Mr. Lyndsy felt really bad. I know that when something like that happens, he will remember it going forward and not do it again. I’m also quite sure that I’ve driven him mad a time or two. He hates it when I don’t take enough care of myself and has no problem telling me about it.
The Exception to the Exception to the Rule
We’ve been described as the exception to the exception to the rule by more than a few people. People are surprised that we got married after knowing each other for less than nine months (and spending just about 25 days together in person). People are surprised that we’re still happy after I moved 8,000 miles from the United States to the Middle East. My mother in particular is shocked that we’re still happy, even though my chronic illness is a giant pain in the ass.
What we have is something anyone could have. It just requires a lot of honesty with the self, with the other person, and knowing what you want or don’t want. We just about never compromise. I know that people say the key to any successful marriage is compromise, but we try to avoid it. Most of the time, we want the same things. Because we’d been very open about what matters most to us from the beginning, we knew that it would be rare that we would need to compromise.
I think the key to a successful marriage is different.
A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person. ~Mignon
I don’t know about Mr. Lyndsy, but I have most definitely fallen in love with him multiple times since we got married. Seeing him with our small dogs melted my heart. His anger at people who were intentionally being nasty to me. His nearly fighting a guy who got in my face (after I’d gone all Wifey Bear on the guy for saying something nasty about him).
He is still the best thing I have ever done with my life. No one else in my life has ever been so invested in my happiness and wellbeing. Even when I’m not keen on taking care of me, he’s there, making sure I do.
I hope everyone who reads this finds their exception to the exception to the rule.