A Prescription for Change

Being sick for pretty much a whole month on top of the stress my body undergoes on a daily basis has sucked. A ton. I feel like I can probably add depression and anxiety to all of that. Physically and emotionally I am in a really fragile place right now.

In an attempt to try to get some control over some of my issues, I went to an endocrinologist on Sunday. He told me that I don’t have Hashimoto’s now, but it may become Hashimoto’s in the future. (I think he meant hypothyroid…) Accordingly, he won’t put me on medication unless my TSH, T3, or T4 readings come back out of normal range (they never have). The antibodies should come back positive, but he’s seen lab work like that already and doesn’t think it warrants medication. This is in spite of the fact that I present with all the symptoms. Based on my understanding, my numbers aren’t reliable since the thyroid hormones could just be in my blood after the thyroid gets attacked. Either way, it doesn’t look like I’ll be getting help from him.

What I’ve come to realize in the last few days is that my patience level is nowhere near what it usually is. Those who know me know that I don’t seem to suffer bullshit well normally. Imagine that what little you saw is now gone. Yeah, feel bad for the people around me who seem to want to try my patience. Or don’t, since they are trying my patience after all.

While I don’t like how I feel now at all, AT ALL, it’s given me a unique opportunity. I can take a look at my life, how I’m living it, who I involve in it, and what I do with my time and figure out what I just don’t fucking want in it anymore.

There are some obvious solutions – stop spending time with people who piss me off (harder to do than you would like when you’re involved in an organization) and start doing more of what you enjoy.

Social media is a good example. I enjoy using it. I like staying in touch with people, seeing what’s going on in their lives. However, social media is also full of a lot of bullshit. I’ve already posted about how I tend not to back down when I see something come across my screen that seems like it deserves my attention. Even if I didn’t engage, simply seeing something that needs a response is usually enough to get the response.

I think that because my energy has been down I haven’t been able to protect myself from a lot of the negativity that floats around in the ether. I have no defense against the onslaught of horror that comes at all of us every day from so many different angles. I can’t make myself not care.

At this point I think I need to start doing things I should have been doing for a while now.

I need to meditate.

I need to get back into journeying.

I need to focus on gratitude for what I do have.

I need to unclutter my life – people and things that just aren’t helping me be the best Lyndsy I can be.

I need to eat better to try to gain back some of what I lose every day.

I need to enjoy simple things again – reading, listening to music.

There’s probably more I could, and will, come up with but this seems like a good start. I hope it is anyway. The way I am now, I won’t last very long with what little sanity I have left.


Book Review: Mind’s Eye by Douglas E. Richards

Mind's Eye

This is the second time in three months that I’ve read a book that paints a disturbing picture of where our dependence on technology could (maybe will) take us.

Nick Hall wakes up in a dumpster with no memory of how he got there. What he quickly discovers is that people are trying to kill him. As he runs, he slowly discovers that he has abilities that help him stay alive – he can search the web inside his mind and he has ESP. With assistance he works to uncover who’s behind the plot to kill him, who he really is, and how got to be the way he is.

The story is exciting, the book is well-written, and the characters are relatable and likable (well, the ones you’re supposed to like anyway). It really is a fascinating exploration of whether technology can go too far, and how far humanity is wiling to go. It also shows how far some people are willing to go to bring about massive changes in how humans relate to the world.

I really enjoyed the author’s writing as well. You want to keep moving through the book, not because you just want it to be done, but because you really want to know what happens next. Do Nick and his crew of helpers make it? Who dies along the way? Will he ever learn who he is?

If you don’t mind feeling a little disturbed about the future, this is definitely an interesting book. I also think it would make a good book for a book club as well. Loads to think about and discuss.

In a similar vein, if you’re into this kind of book, check out a book by Dave Eggers called “The Circle.”

Dose of Lyndsy: Approved


(book image source)


Review: Hotel Transylvania 2

Hotel Transylvania Poster

I’m a big fan of animated movies. It helps that these days the people who write them are adding in content aimed at amusing adults since they generally aren’t just leaving kids at the movies by themselves.

If you’re not familiar with the first movie, Hotel Transylvania is about the vampire Dracula (Adam Sandler) who runs a hotel (clever title, no?) for monsters. A human, Jonny, (Andy Samberg) finds his way in and ends up falling in love with Dracula’s daughter Mavis (Selena Gomez). Obviously Dracula isn’t cool with this, but finds his way to acceptance by the end of the movie.

Hotel Transylvania 2 pretty much picks up where the first movie leaves off. The movie starts with Mavis and Jonny getting married and speeds through to them having a kid, Denisovitch, and focuses on Dracula’s obsession with whether his grandson is a vampire.

There weren’t a lot of people in the theater with me, which may have explained why I was the only person laughing most of the time. It could also just have been some cultural differences because there are a lot of American pop culture references. Either way, I thought the movie was hilarious.

The storyline is pretty classic so don’t expect anything surprising or particularly new. It’s basically “Can someone accept something they’re not familiar with?” But, I don’t think we’re always looking for something new and enlightening every time we go see a film. Sometimes you just want to be able to laugh at something silly for an hour and a half. If you’re in the mood for something light, with or without kids, check it out.

Dose of Lyndsy: Approved



30-Day Project: September Review and October

30-day Project

I’m going to call September a success. I did indulge in a couple Pepsis for my birthday dinner and while we were in Amsterdam I had soda a few times and fast food twice (I *always* try McDonald’s in new countries), but while I was home, I did really well. The point is really to get things back under control and September was a good reset for me.

I’ve been struggling to come up with something for October. I would have liked to have done something where I take a mile-long walk every day or go to the gym but my body is just not up for it right now. I have pretty much been sick since September 7th with a ridiculously sore throat and fatigue. It sort of feels like I’m trying to swallow glass. I went to the doctor the other day and got antibiotics, but I don’t seem to be feeling any less like I’ve got tiny knives in my throat.

A friend pointed out that I have been pretty much going, going, going for a while and this is clearly my body’s way of saying, SLOW THE FUCK DOWN. But how do I turn that into a 30-Day Project. I thought and thought and then realized that there is *something* I can do that would help me rest and also help with one of my 2015 goals!

I am behind on my reading for the year by about 3 books. I haven’t touched my 2015 Reading List in a while either. So, to promote restful behavior on my part and make sure I get through the 100 books I want to read this year, October’s 30-Day Project is to read for an hour a day.

I’m sure you’re wondering how it is that I planned to read 100 books this year without reading every day, but I usually do it in binges. I’ll go for a couple weeks without reading and then will spend 2-3 days binge reading. That usually nets me two to three books per binge.

I think making myself stop for a rest each day will be good for me. Less going, more relaxing. Since the antibiotics don’t seem to be working, I must have some sort of virus. The only thing I can do now is rest it out. Blergh.


Review: Scott Pratt’s “Justice Redeemed”

As y’all know, I’m a huge reader. I connected with Scott Pratt over a typo in one of his books and we exchanged a few emails. I kept my cool but I won’t lie, I was sort of fan-girling a bit. He has a series with a character named Joe Dillard, which I love. They’re legal crime thrillers with a really good description of the law without talking down to the reader. Score. Helps that he went to law school I’m sure – knows how much it sucks to be talked down to.

Because I’d contacted him previously, he gave me an advance copy of “Justice Redeemed.” SO COOL. Naturally he asked me to review it and hoped I’d enjoy it. I review pretty much everything I read in one place or another (helps me keep track of what I’ve read), so it wasn’t a big deal.

HOT DAMN. The book is awesome. You get all parts of the criminal justice system – investigation, courts, and corrections – which is pretty rare. The writing is great and the book flows well. I can always tell when the writing is good because I just zoom through it without any idea how much time has passed.

Most important to me is character development and you definitely get that with the main character and some of the supporting characters as well. Pratt’s characters are real people – none is perfect or always does the right thing (especially not this main character). But you always know where they’re coming from.

The book is sort of disturbing too. Obviously there’s a lot going on these days with the U.S. criminal justice system. We don’t want to believe this kind of thing could happen, but we know it does.

If you like legal crime thrillers, this is definitely one to check out.

Dose of Lyndsy: Approved.



When I’m 34

My birthday is tomorrow and I’m just not that excited. This past year has been really rough emotionally and physically. I don’t think I’ve had a year quite that bad, maybe ever. I definitely know what living the spoonie lifestyle is about now.

Two months after my birthday last year I fell into a terrible slump. I became a person I didn’t like. I did some work and became someone I like again. I don’t know that I’ve really left the slump all that much.

I miss my dog. Once you have a tiny (or not so tiny) ball of unconditional love it’s hard to live without it. I met a wonderful dog yesterday and seeing her with her hooman really drove home just how hard it is to be without a dog. I have a hard time even looking at other pictures of dogs.

I think last year I expected that my pain would get better. All year. I thought having the tendon transfer would make things better than they were. And while I can walk now without a brace, I still have pain. Some of it is different than before, but it’s not less intense pain or less frequent. It’s just different.

I had to cheer myself on to get out of bed this morning. “Come on Lyndsy! You can do it!”

There’s other ridiculous drama that I just don’t have the spoons for. I tried to step up and do something good and nice and I am perpetually getting shit on. Well, fuck that. Not. Worth. It.

And poor Mr. Lyndsy. He doesn’t understand what this feels like. He always wants to keep trying things. He doesn’t know that sometimes, things just can’t be done. So he gets frustrated – he can’t really help me feel better and he doesn’t really understand where I’m coming from.

I don’t think he gets that it’s not that I’m giving up. But that I’m trying to find my new “normal.”

But that’s what 34 seems like it’s going to be about – finding my new “normal.” Knowing that the “normal” is going to be some kind of shitty shade of what I’ve had in the past isn’t really exciting. It isn’t really something I want to celebrate.

I do have some birthday wishes you all can help me fulfill. More tomorrow.


Unexplained Illness

I took a trip to the ER Sunday night. I spent 6 hours there and learned that I do not have appendicitis. Yes, that’s good news, but maybe we could tell me what IS wrong with me?

It started Saturday night with a dream. In the dream, a woman came up to me, squeezed my right side and said something like, “Oh got some pain there?” Until she squeezed me, I had no idea there was a problem. Then, later in the dream, another woman came up to me, squeezed my side and said, “It’s serious. You should get it checked out.”

When I woke up on SundayI remembered the dream, but didn’t think it made any sense since my side wasn’t bothering me. I poked myself, sure that the women were just crazy. Nope, turns out I was the crazy one. Palpating my side definitely produced some pain. I diligently examined myself to discover that was true all the way around to my belly button. I had crap to do on Sunday, so I let it go.

As the day progressed the pain got worse. I didn’t have to push as hard to elicit pain. By the end of the day, it just hurt without me having to do anything. Around 11pm, Mr. Lyndsy asked if I wanted to go get it checked out. We tried to find a clinic that was still open, but since none were, we headed to the ER.

The doctor managed to elicit a lot of pain when he pressed down and since that wasn’t enough to tell him anything, he ordered blood work. It came back normal, but that wouldn’t necessarily rule out appendicitis, so he also ordered a CT scan. Also clean. Since I clearly wasn’t in any immediate danger, they discharged me with Zantac and Tylenol.

I haven’t yet taken the Zantac because I’m a terrible patient. I do still have the pain as well. Dr. Google has failed to yield any useful answers.

Perhaps I’ll have another dream and the pokey, prodding women can tell me what’s actually wrong. Not sure how I’ll explain that to a medical professional, but that’s okay. I’m sure they’ve heard stranger stories.


Hey Damon Wayans, blow me

I want to begin this post by saying that everyone should have completely disregard what Damon Wayans, Sr. says in this interview since he starts off by saying that diabetes is a “circulation disease that starts in your legs.” He keeps moving to keep diabetes at bay. Uh. What? But, that’s not why I think he can blow me.

It’s not even the fact that he said that anything can be funny, if presented the right way. Nope. Not true.

In a recent interview on “The Breakfast Club” on Power 105.1, Wayans was asked what advice he would give Bill Cosby.

If I was him, I would divorce my wife wink wink. Give her all my money. And then I would go do a deposition. I’d light one of them three-hour cigars, I’d have me some wine and maybe a Quaalude, and I would just go off because I don’t believe that he was raping. I think he was in relationships with all of them, and then he’s like, ‘You know what, it’s 78, I can’t get it up for any of y’all, bye bitches.’ And now they’re like, ‘Oh, really? Rape.’”


His defense of Bill Cosby stems from the fact that some of the rapes happened 40 years ago and suggests that that makes their claims not credible. He ignores the pushback from one of the interviewers when she says that women did come forward years ago.

In response to the fact that some of the women have said it happened multiple times, Wayans says, “If you listen to them talk they go, ‘Well, the first time…’ Bitch, how many times did it happen? Just listen to what they’re saying.”

Then he goes… “And some of them, really, is unrapeable. I look at them and go, ‘Nah, you don’t want that.‘”


Wayans blames women by saying that fame makes women do things. He also says that what Cosby did wrong is to criticize young black men and that turned us against him, thus the allegations.

He does concede that there may be some women who were raped by Bill Cosby, and his heart goes out to them and hopes they get justice. Then says, “You other bitches? Look…” Then he goes off about how Quaaludes were the drug of choice of then and people did it to get in the mood.

Damon Wayans: “What’s the joy of sleeping, you know, banging someone who’s asleep?


The problem is that a lot of people think like Wayans. They think that that’s the right question to ask, to frame it that way.

In reality, to understand rape, you have to think like a rapist. It isn’t about joy, it’s about POWER. It’s about making someone do what you want them to, however you have to do it. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with how someone looks, what they say, or how they dress. Some do it by force. Some, like Bill Cosby, do it by subduing a woman with charm and fame. Some guys do it by playing off your weaknesses or a pre-existing relationship.

Like the guy who had been a good friend of mine since high school who took my virginity without asking. Just went in and then said, “Guess you’re not a virgin anymore.” What was super special (note: heavy sarcasm) was a couple weeks later when he instant messaged me to see if he and I were still okay since “[he] didn’t ask [me] first.”


He wanted something. He took it. Plain and simple. It didn’t have anything to do with what I wanted. How is that so different than “banging someone who’s asleep”?

We really need to have more discussions about what rape is so that we can all be clear. If your partner hasn’t given you permission to do it, DON’T. It’s not fucking rocket science.



I hope you like orange, Ms. Davis

Despite numerous orders to do so, Kim Davis refuses to issue marriage licenses to gay couples (read: to do her job). As a result, she’s been found to be in contempt of court and jailed.

The thing about having a legal job is that oftentimes you’re required to take an oath of office. The point is that you have to affirm that you’re willing to uphold the laws of the United States and the city and state you live in. This doesn’t always make things easy – people who are opposed to the death penalty participate as judges, attorneys, and jurors. I have seen firsthand how difficult it can be

However, people do their jobs. Kim Davis had to take an oath when she assumed her office about one year ago. Her oath was:

Members of the General Assembly and all officers, before they enter upon the execution of the duties of their respective offices, and all members of the bar, before they enter upon the practice of their profession, shall take the following oath or affirmation: I do solemnly swear (or affirm, as the case may be) that I will support the Constitution of the United States and the Constitution of this Commonwealth, and be faithful and true to the Commonwealth of Kentucky so long as I continue a citizen thereof, and that I will faithfully execute, to the best of my ability, the office of …. according to law; and I do further solemnly swear (or affirm) that since the adoption of the present Constitution, I, being a citizen of this State, have not fought a duel with deadly weapons within this State nor out of it, nor have I sent or accepted a challenge to fight a duel with deadly weapons, nor have I acted as second in carrying a challenge, nor aided or assisted any person thus offending, so help me God.

The supreme law of the United States is the United States Constitution. If there’s a conflict between a state law and the Constitution, the Constitution wins. People get pissy about the judiciary creating laws, but this is how people are protected. Without the judiciary it may still be illegal for a black person to marry a white person and schools may still not be integrated.

People are making fun of Kim Davis for the way she dresses, her hair, and the fact that she’s been married four times, in seeming opposition to her Christian values. She’s a rather recent convert to Christianity and offers that as her explanation for her past transgressions. I don’t think you need Christianity to use good sense about who you marry, but what do I know?

I’m also not sure how it is that Davis issuing licenses to same-sex couples has anything to do with her religious beliefs. This has nothing do with her personally. It is through her role as the Clerk that she would be issuing licenses. We all get that she doesn’t want to do that. She has made that abundantly clear. She isn’t marrying a woman. So what of it?

What she is doing is imposing her judgment and view of Christianity on others. There is obviously a lot of discussion about whether Christianity prohibits same-sex marriages, with a number of churches in favor of them. When last I peeked into Christianity, it is not the place of any individual to impose their judgment on others and no one lives a sin-free life.

There are a lot of jobs that Davis could be doing right now. She took the post from her mom who held the position for 37 years so I can see why she may be reluctant to step down. Issuing marriage licenses is but one of many things a Clerk does, but it’s something that impacts a lot of people on a regular basis. If she can’t execute the duties of her job, she should step down and let someone who can uphold the oath of office take over.

In the meantime, good luck with that orange jumpsuit.


Take your lazy labeling self elsewhere

I am an overweight, American, cisgender, straight, mid-30s, black/white female, who is spiritual but not religious, and tends to vote for Democrats. LABELS GALORE.

Now, with all of those labels, what did you actually learn about me? Go ahead, think about it. I’ll give you some time.

On a superficial level, do you know what I look like? My hair? Bone structure?

On a deeper level, what do you know about me? You might say I’m lazy, since I’m overweight. My nationality may lead you to think that I’m arrogant and narrow-minded given how Americans behave when they travel to foreign countries and what our government does with its power. My sexual orientation and gender might make you think that I’m homophobic or not understanding of others who differ from me. You might think I’m a lazy Millennial with an entitlement complex. You may think I’m hedonistic and without a moral compass since I actively proclaim my lack of religion. Maybe the fact that I’ve never voted for a Republican makes you think I’m a socialist.

Those are all things I’ve heard based on those particular labels. But they don’t even come close to telling my whole story.

Make a list of your own that matches mine. Try to picture yourself based just on those labels and come up with the things someone might say about you. How accurate it is? Probably not very.

Labels are quick and convenient. To some degree they’re necessary, but not to the degree that we’ve employed them. Each one of the labels I used to describe myself contain a range of values. By the labels I used above, it’s hard to tell where on the range I fall. Even qualifying them doesn’t really provide that much more detail because it either doesn’t get to the WHY/WHAT/HOW or it’s a big cup of “so what?”

Yes, I’m overweight, but why? Why Democrat instead of Republican – what factors did I use to make my choice? Why am I not religious? What does “spiritual” mean to me? What does being American mean to me? Do I see how we look to the rest of the world?

My race/gender/sexual orientation fall into the land of “So what?” Yes, I’m female both gender and biologically. Being female doesn’t tell you anything about what I’m capable or not capable of. Neither does my race. That’s not to say that those things haven’t had an impact on my life – but to the extent they have, it’s because others have made them an issue. Not me.

But that’s the real crux of the situation, isn’t it? It’s not how we label ourselves that matters – since we think we know who we are defined in those labels (though I don’t think we always do – some of us are as lazy about ourselves as we are about others). It’s how we labels others that matter – and the real problem is that we even think of someone as an “other.”

We label at the most minute points, rather than the highest point. We focus on the labels that separate us rather than those that unite us. If we focused more on human, instead of black, white, Asian, English, Indian, male, female, straight, gay, whatever, we might be more inclined to take actions that benefit all humans, since we fall under that label too. It’s much easier to sit back and do nothing, or worse, take actions that are harmful to others, when they don’t sit in the same label box as us.

The other error in that thinking is believing that something bad needs to happen to anyone. Despite what many people say, there is enough to go around. There’s enough money. There’s enough power. There’s enough.

Once we can stop thinking of life as a zero sum game and start recognizing the abundance that exists around us, we may be able to start thinking just in the label “human.”